Shared During Reflection: A Student's Trials

Everyday our students begin with reflection. It's a time of contemplation, sharing, and support. 

One student wrote a long letter describing her trials and tribulations. Her fellow students were there for support. 

Dear Ms.Eckhouse, 

I'm at a rough point in my life. you know that I have always been the one to keep my feelings bottled-up inside. Keeping my feelings inside is not solving my problems and it is also making me even more depressed. 

I need to vent to somebody, so here are the things that have been on my mind. 

For a while I've only slept for 3-5 hours out of a 24 hour day. Between school, sports, homework, and other activities, I've been pretty busy. Even if I don't have those things I can't seem to sleep anyways. It's like my body is trained to go to sleep at 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning and wakes itself back up at 5:50. The bags are forming under my eyes. I'm exhausted but I still manage to pull myself together. Also I haven't been eating as much as I should. I have never really eaten breakfast, at lunch I eat a little, and I sometimes eat dinner. It's like I don't even get hungry anymore. Also, I'm a perfectionist. Everything has to be perfect or pretty close to it. If it isn't I stress about it. Lately, I've been pretty clumsy or ditsy. I mess up little things like adding water to noodles or writing in black ink instead of pink. Little things like that make me feel unintelligent. 

Also, lately I've been really emotional. I've been crying a lot. I belittle myself about crying because I've failed to accept that "It's okay not to be okay." I've been independent and strong for too long. My brick wall is tumbling down. My mind is starting to malfunction. I feel like an overworked computer that's about to crash. I have no "me" time. It's always do this or do that.

But it's also my fault because I can never say "no" to people. I enjoy helping and satisfying others, but is it worth making myself physically and mentally sick? I don't want to let anyone down because many do depend on me. Also, some relationships in my life need help and patching up. But I'm working on it. 

I really appreciate you reading some of the many things on my mind each and every day. I also wrote this letter because if I ever come off as "sad" or "down" these are probably the reasons why. 

Also, my grandfather figure at church has been sick. I've been thinking of him for a while, hoping he gets better. I don't quite know exactly what's wrong with him, and that's also what gets me worried. I ask that you send him light and prayer. 

Thank you again, Ms.Eckhouse. You are dearly appreciated.

-D

These are the students we are helping; overwhelmed, underwhelmed, and seeking guidance. Everyone has their own personal trials. You are not alone. We welcome all students at CMHS to come reflect with your peers-- and make your student community stronger.