Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Bullying: Reflection and Introspection


October is many things. It's Breast Cancer Awareness month, Disabilities Awareness month, and Anti-Bullying month. This month we have been focusing on unity and anti-bullying. 

Everyone experiences bullying-- whether it's as a victim or bystander. I learned a lot about bullying from personal experience; and it taught me something very important. 

Bullying is often a cry for attention or empathy. Often, it's those who are unkind who need to be treated with the most kindness. 


"Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke."
- Benjamin Disraeli

In grammar school I had a merciless bully for almost six years. She was cute, popular, and everyone liked her. I thought "that girl has it all... why can't she just let me be?....". She picked on me for everything. If I got good grades I was a loser. If I wasn't as skinny as her I was "Beluga Britt" and would be greeted with whale calls as I walked into school. There was more.

In eighth grade this harassment became increasingly terrible. It continued until the day before graduation. On this day, we basically watched movies and relaxed in my homeroom. That day was long, and a bit drawn-out.  I remember it very clearly. It was almost dismissal. We were sitting at our desks waiting to line up. That's when she came to my desk. 

I looked at the book I was reading, and pretended to not notice her. She dropped a small, folded note on my desk and walked away. I waited until she was at a safe distance to pick it up. I unfolded the careful edges and began to read the most heart-breaking thing I'd ever encountered at fourteen years old.

She was unhappy... so much unhappiness I had no idea existed. She wrote on her admiration of my academic success, my creative awards, and my ability to be nice to everyone-- even when they were really mean to me. I was floored. I had no idea. I spent the previous five years thinking she was a terrible person who hated me. She wasn't horrible... she was unhappy. 

That day I approached her willingly. The bell had rang and she had stopped into the girls' washroom. This was sacred space for adolescent girls. She saw me and silently washed her hands. I waited until she was thoroughly finished. Then i put down my backpack and outstretched my arms. She accepted with little hesitation and we cried together. 


Today that woman is one of my closest friends. 

Bullies, despite their outward abrasiveness, need a hug just as badly as you need a hug. 
So, in short, be kind and caring-- for some people this is a world with so little kindness and caring. 
The world will respect you for doing so.

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